so let's talk penis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize