You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
