dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
