i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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