I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
