When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
