2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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