We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
