Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
