I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
