it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
