Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
