They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
