So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
