I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i think i just lost a toe
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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