We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
