i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
