he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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