whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize