I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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