am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
