GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
