She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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