yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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