he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
