You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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