Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
