I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everyone says I win the strip club
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
