yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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