batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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