I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
