did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
