Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
