i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize