...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
