Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
