I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
