I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wear drunk well.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
