i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize