yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
