yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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