Already got asked if we're dating
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize