I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
