Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
