This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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