I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
