Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you never un-have a 4some
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
