Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
