Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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