So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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