my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
