Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
50% drunk capacity currently
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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