i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
