I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
