12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
