She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
