where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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