i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize