Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So many bounce houses so little time
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
