i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
