Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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