I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
