dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
