You really coming over, don't trick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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