You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
