wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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