his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
