Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
