No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
