My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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