his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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