you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize