its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
