Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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