theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
