There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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