What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
