So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
